As much as 2016 had it’s incredible highs for many of us, it was also an ass sometimes.
It was also meant to be ‘season of the bae’, a friend of mine opined at the beginning. Of course the year would be pregnant with endless possibilities for blissful romance. The bae is in the bag baby!
Until he wasn’t.
And once it became clear that there was no one but stuff and red wine slips in the bag, it would also soon dawn on me that there was no one on Tinder either.
That epiphany hit me the first time the app informed me there was no one new around me anymore. Imagine, ‘There’s no one around you.’ Deep.
So much for bae season…
The next phase of what we called the ‘Formation Tour’ involved turning our attention to that which is already around us. You know, the power of the here and Now? Maybe ‘the one’ is already ‘somewhere here’ – hidden in plain sight.
We are overthinking this whole thing. And indeed as they say, overthinking is the mother of all screw ups.
To summarise that chapter, I thought dude was here to steal my heart. But it’s my phone charger that went missing.
Although it’s pretty safe to say the 2016 leg of the Formation Tour has wrapped, not all is lost.
There’s a great deal we’ve learnt on this journey, and hope this list will help you get your groove back while you wait for babe to come through in your life. Don’t give up, the show goes on.
TRUST THE TIMING OF YOUR LIFE
Nobody wants to hear this one but often times things come in our lives a divine moments. It’s that whole ‘one day’ thing that can be awfully off putting if certainty is what you seek. And yet, things tend to have a way of working themselves out in the most surprising ways.
In an insightful Huffington Post piece called The 4 Rules of Divine Timing, Alexandra Harra points out that we can never manipulate time. Adding, “when you understand and use universal timing to your advantage, the wind is blowing from behind you, ushering you forward in the right direction.”
Spending too much worrying about things that are beyond our control can be source of much anxiety and stress. Whether you are single of happily swept off the market, living in the Now Moment and being one with what is is one of the most effective ways to achieving contentment.
Don’t spend your single days obsessing about whether or not you will finally find someone. It’s driving you crazy.
FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
Fraudulent depictions of romance and the dominant narrative of ‘happy ever after’ in mainstream media (and your Instagram timeline) are not only misleading at best, they also replicate notions of relationships as being compulsory.
It’s as if being single means you are lacking.
So we become ashamed of our self perceived inability to score blissful romance like other normal people. Often, we take being single to reflect negatively on our self worth, character and our attractiveness.
But the truth is – you don’t need someone else to bring you happiness or complete you. You can live a meaningful and fulfilling life without a romantic partner. That being the worst case scenario, of course.
The focus should be on seeking a partner who will complement you, rather than someone who will fill some sort of void. Affirm your worth by yourself and claim your authentic power to fill your own life with happiness. And possibly, lots of great (safe) sex with or without someone else.
WORK ON YOURSELF
You can either spend the time dwelling on how much you dread being single – assuming a partner will make you happier – or you can live your life.
Being single can be quite empowering, explaining why an increasing number of people are single by choice.
Think of the autonomy to explore options without having to consult someone, the fewer social obligations, the opportunities to pursue adventures that we otherwise cannot when we are in serious relationships, opportunities to explore and discover our sexuality and more about ourselves.
Being single is what you make it. Rather than lament the loneliness, choose to use this time to be your best self!
CUT THE BS
Sometimes the whole process of meeting people we like can be filled with pointless games. You know you like someone, but the last thing on earth you intend to do is tell them.
I know friends who’ve struggled to find relationships for the longest times, but all potential ‘situations’ are met with resistance, doubt and fear. I’ve also been in that category.
Yes, we all get butterflies in the tummy when we have developed feelings for someone. But the difference between whether or not your are willing to take the plunge and disclose your feelings to someone can end your draught.
Cut the BS. Get to the point. If you have the hots someone, let them know. If they turn you down, move on. It’s life.
Don’t fall for the seductions of taking what’s available in the market because you’ve convinced yourself that ‘the pool has dried up’ for you. You deserve authentic, fulfilling love – not romping with back up plans. The problem with pressurising yourself to be in a relationship is that you find yourself obsessively trying to take matters into your own hands. You start being aware of your status as single so much that it starts defining your days. “My 4th Valentine’s single” syndrome.
How about we just try it out with that person who’s expressed some interest in you before you end up dying alone?
Don’t even think about it. Would you not rather wait for something exciting and worthwhile than try hectically to speed up a process that is not in your control?